The letter, and what it says about my thoughts on San Bernardino

     I always struggle with whether or not to comment on current events, because usually by the time I get around to it, it's no longer relevant or may not deserve people's attention. As many of you know, I have a very big mouth, but rarely do I actually open it in the interests of seeing how these events effect the world in a journalistic way. I know that I'm not always going to agree with everything that crosses my feed, but personally, for me that doesn't mean I have to block out that information, as much as my visceral reaction may want me to. I think it's what makes this media different from many others.

     In light of recent events in San Bernardino, I saw a friend say something to the effect of that if everyone is now talking about equality, this is not the kind of equality that is meant, by now pteontially including disabled people in the list of victims of mass violence. But, it couldn't help being my first thought when I heard about what happened, it was like “Oh look, there's another one, I guess they're going to shoot us now, too.” When reading follow-up stories about this, it is unclear as of yet to me if any of the victims were actually disabled, or if they just worked in this center that assisted disabled people. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

    And then, I thought back to this letter that circulated on social media a couple years ago from an angry neighbor of a woman with an autistic grandson.  (Trigger warning, there are a lot of ableist slurs and mention of violence and euthanasia here). And that's when I realized that things like this are no longer specified to a particular group, but are becoming more widespread toward other minority groups (in this case, Muslims), as they have been throughout various periods in history. It is not just about  this letter, it is about what has been said back-and-forth on social media for months now. And let me be the first to say I don't really know what to make of this.  I find myself to be a person interested in learning  about all backgrounds and generally tolerant of  opposing viewpoints.

     But the thing that makes our country different is that these opinions are allowed to exist, whether I believe in them or not. What the community chooses  to do with that as a whole  is both a collective and an individual decision. It's only sad that harm to others must happen before this decision is reached. While I have decided that I will not own a gun, if for nothing else than the practical reasons of not being steady enough to shoot one, that does not allow me to put that opinion on others. The existence of differences should allow us to learn from each other.  I was raised in a place where there is value to things like hunting and culture when practiced properly and safely. At the same time, traveling to Britain  where the civilian population is not permitted to own guns except for very special circumstances was a real eye-opener, because most felt safe enough that they didn't need them. I realize that I may very well have said things here that contradict myself, and that's okay. I fully expect backlash, but that does not mean that I need to engage with any or all of it. I am still figuring this out, as is most everyone in America right now.

     When it came out  in the Paris attacks that some were targeting the disabled first, my thoughts went back and forth between “How dare they target us specifically!” and “What does that say about us as a population if they specifically don't target us?” I know that's awful, as I don't like to think about that in terms of any human being, but it's something I think about a lot when I go out at night. People are concerned about me, because it's dark and I'm in a wheelchair, thinking that something will happen to me just because of this, and yet, sometimes, this is countered by me thinking that “Oh, no, why would anyone mess with the disabled person?” sometimes giving me a sense of false confidence, although I know intuitively that  I am strong in the dangerous situation for other reasons. But I realize it all comes down to other people's understandings of me and of each other. And that every person who is different in some way could have gotten a letter like the one above.  And that a lot of people have in the past few months. Think about that the next time you see a post on social media. I wish that people would use these freedoms that we have to try and understand each other. Then maybe there would be more love and fewer shootings in this world.