Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The 10 worst (or best!) pick up lines to say to disabled people

This is a piece that I just wrote for class, and I'm actually so excited to share it with y'all! Enjoy!

The 10 worst (or best) pick up lines to say to disabled people

I have to admit I don't have a lot of experience in this area, and here might be some reasons why. Keep it classy, America!

1.     But… you're so pretty (for a person in a wheelchair)
Yeah, because of course our hot rods can’t be sexy.
2.     So, what exactly did you do yourself?
Oh, I don't know, just intentionally strangled myself or fell on my face. And even if I did, what's it to you?
3.     Hey, Speed Racer *wink*
Hey Batman, Power Ranger, or My Little Pony. You know, whatever floats your boat!
4.     How fast does that thing go?
Maybe about the pace of a small child. But still too fast for you to keep up with me.
5.     Do you do all your own stunts?
No, I'm faking it and, they paid Angelina Jolie to be my stunt double. (Hey, they don't call me Evel Knievel for nothing)
6.     Need a place to sit?
Somebody said they got this from a fellow wheelchair user. Really??!!!
7.     Wanna ride on something other than your chair?
If so, you just lost any chance of finding out. Or, sure, let's ride a mechanical bull and see what happens.
8.     I don't know how you do it!
I wake up, I breathe, I ingest copious amounts of caffeine, I procrastinate, and repeat. But OH MY GOD. You went to the grocery store. You are such an inspiration!!
9.     But you don’t look disabled …..
And you don't look regular, Mr. handlebar mustache with comb-over, and yet here we are!
And the most overused line EVER
10. So….. I probably shouldn't ask this, but, everything works……..right?
If I had a dollar for every time… then by golly I wouldn't have to sit around eating bonbons all day, and maybe I could actually pursue a career. Imagine that!
  I know these are somewhat specific to my experiences. Feel free to comment with your own best lines below!