Monday, May 20, 2013

Waiting

The following is a post I wrote in reflection of a recent series of events. I shall call it........


Waiting


I opened my eyes, rolled over, and groped for my phone. I looked at the clock. It was 10 o'clock, help was supposed to be here an hour ago. No calls, texts, no nothing. I called the administration, and some people I know, and started the process. Of waiting. Administration can't get ahold of this person, and calls another one, that is an hour and a half away. I'm still waiting. I called the RAs, but they are not on duty anymore. I'm still waiting. Grandma says: call the newspaper, the media. This is when I wish I could get through to the Seattle Times tip line. The administration knows that I am very angry, and they are very frustrated as well. 50 mins later, there is a knock on my door. She is here, but she can't get in. The phones are not answering, so I tell her to go down and knock on the RA's door. Thankfully, he is of some use to me today. They are gone for a while, at which point I called across the street to find that he has gotten the keys. She is here, a whole 2 hours and 15 min. later. I can get up now.

This should not be the cost that anyone has to pay for their own autonomy and self-determination. This is unacceptable so much so to the point that I'm trying to rethink my assistance strategies with the limited options that I have, due to a recent series of events. I don't know when anything will change, I have spoken to people about this, and I don't want to deal with the system anymore. I'm trying to find a balance between help that I can control, and help that I can't, but it is a very complicated situation. Friends can only do what they can do.

I find it extremely ironic that the only guarantee of consistency is a place where you're told what to do and when to do it. I cannot and will not bring myself to that place. I'm not so sure it would even be better anywhere else, but I am not willing to give that up. Autonomy, self determination, respect, and a little bit of dignity are some of the most important and basic rights on this Earth, and should be valued as such. I tend not to rant publicly about this stuff, but I want people to know that this is not okay. People should be able to choose who helps them, and when and how they would like to be helped, and be able to expect someone to show up on time at the very least. I know I'm such an idealist, and so demanding, but people need to know how important it is for others to be able to control their own lives, however they choose. People like me should not have to think about giving that up in order to receive a sense of normalcy–“normalcy ”, what is that anyway?

I'm putting this out there, because you need to know. If I have talked to you today, or lately, and seemed a little short or upset, it's because I am. It's not your fault, I just ran out of steam.

This has been my PSA for the day. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go get some sunshine, outside, alone, before my head explodes and I need a squeagie to clean it up! Love you all!    

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