The First

The first infant in the state to come home on a Broviac catheter (jugular feeding tube)

The first in my preschool class to read chapter books

The first SpEd student with physical needs in the gifted program

The first medically fragile "child" who receives specialized services to leave the state to  pursue higher education

 One of the first student  staff at only the  3rd funded disability cultural center in the country

Why am I always first?

 Being first makes it seem like I have some idea of what I'm doing. But actually, I don't. At all.

 You're such a pioneer, a trailblazer, paving the way, is all I get, more often than not. Everything I sit through and put up with is supposed to make things better for somebody else.

 Apparently I just  go through  the world radiating confidence or something, because I always get the “I wish I were you” bit. Really?  You want to stay  awake at night because  you can't when you feel like literally everyone is watching you, keeping track of you. Why is she doing this? Why is she doing that? She needs to know what the next 10 years of her life are going to entail, what  kind of help she will need, and she needs to figure it out right now!!!! You want to get so upset that you get physically sick about deadlines and phone calls that no reasonable person should ever have to make? Well then by all means, please go ahead, I could use the weight off my shoulders.

 Contrary to what some of you may be thinking, I am not always first because I want to draw attention to race, class, gender, orientation, hearing  status, ability, perceived intelligence level or anything else. I am first  because I believe that it's wrong that people can't do whatever it is  that makes them happy, and maybe because I have the balls to not let go, yet, today, at this very moment, some days. Who knows about tomorrow.  Sometimes I wish that  being first  came with a manual, a mentor, or at least a partner in crime.  I'm lucky to have  at least one of those things.  I guess somebody's got to be first, right?  So it might as well be me.  Again. For the millionth time.