Yes, I thought she would appreciate this title. Those of us young whippersnappers know that it is indeed a play on words from a series of YouTube videos about things that various groups of people tend to say. If you don't, look it up! And yes, she approved and even encouraged the publication of this post, so here goes, I'm trying.
In my current situation, I am fortunate to be able to spent a fair amount of time with my grandparents, which can lead to some pretty interesting conversations, and often, my rambling about various topics, sometimes even for several hours. Here are some of the ones that have come up recently:
1. You need to lose weight to make it easier for people to help you, and for you to help yourself.
While I see and respect the validity of this concern, it is not my primary priority to do that to make it better for other people. I see this added benefit, definitely. But that does not come first. If a doctor was remotely concerned about my weight, which is not the case, then I would have something to consider. I do, however, express the desire to be more active, now that I have more time to do so, and now that I'm not eating cafeteria food or take out all the time. If I help people in the process, then great, but I am not going overboard here. I think one of the main problems is that people who are not often upwardly mobile have to be very careful because any small amount of change in our bodies is more easily evident than it would be when talking about a non-disabled counterpart.
2. I don't understand this whole ableism/audism thing you keep talking about. Why is it bad to want to walk, or hear, or whatever? Who wouldn't want to do that?
Sometimes I don't understand it either. I just learned about it probably a year and a half ago. I don't think that wanting either thing is inherently bad, I think the point of these ideologies is that these 2 things cannot coexist peacefully due to the power dynamic that we have. There must be some form of domination or oppression happening, and that's the part where things start to become unacceptable sometimes. Our backgrounds often cause us to think that because we were brought up in a certain way or we do (or don't do) things a certain way, that we are better or worse off than somebody else. Because we don't live in utopia, this is inevitably true. I admit that even I am still learning about this, and I'm not the most perfect, or PC, person. Occasionally, I do still use some ableist language that I know I shouldn't, though never in direct offense to the particular group they are referring to. I am striving to find better ways to communicate frustrations that don't include anything derogatory to any individual, but I can't promise that this will ever be completely removed from my vocabulary. I strive to be the most respectful person I can be, but with so many different view points, conflict is inevitable sometimes. Let's face it, I'm human, sometimes I laugh at jokes. If I have personally offended or insulted anyone in any way with the language that I have used, please let me know and we can have a conversation about it. That being said, I think we all have our ableist moments sometimes, I know I do, when every once in a while, I struggle across a room in my walker for the sake of mobility and exercise, and so that my legs don't simply just wither away. I realize that this is not important to some people, while it is a priority for others. Perhaps over time, it will become less so for me, but only time will tell. Even I have to learn to respect other people's different ways of doing things, and not let them influence me unless I want them to.
3. You worry about everything too much.
Yes, I do. So much so to the point that I finally gave up and started this blog or my head was going to explode. My parents and family have always informed me of of the extra steps and loopholes that I would always have to go through my entire life just to do what everybody else does. I know that I'm in an incredibly unusual situation, sadly enough. Because of this, I will always have these other things on my mind, because I'm also thinking about how I could end up just like the rest of us, or what I'm doing for others that don't have this chance. Now how I choose to deal with this is another story entirely. So I figure, instead of procrastination, I may as well make myself useful, and improve my language skills while I'm at it, which also usually coexists with listening to some type of upbeat music. To those of you who say “but you're such a happy person, all the time!” I say you haven't lived with me, or heard one of my rants. it's true. Just ask one of my professors last year, during a break, I went into her office and went on a 45 min. rant about feminism, psychology, and ableism. (If you're reading this, I apologize profusely, and thank you!)
4. Stop being such a pessimist!
Also true. From the environment that I am surrounded in, I always tended to focus more on the negative aspects, or the complications of things that I'm doing. I realize that since I'm in a “special” situation of being academically gifted, but sometimes needing day-to-day physical assistance, the support systems designed for “people like me” were not in fact really designed for people like me, who have goals for upward mobility, to make their own way in the world with a gainful career in a field that uses one of the many skills that I do possess, in addition to needing help because I am physically disabled. These 2 things do not often come hand in hand, and some people think that they shouldn't. I completely disagree, and have to figure out many things as I go along. As I've done that, I've encountered a lot of complications and changes that need to be made, some of which make me downright angry. I also know that there are a lot of people in the same boat, striving to advocate for change in many of the same ways. So, even if I do try to relax a little and have more fun, to those that say “the only disability in life is a bad attitude,” I beg to differ.
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