Extreme TMI Warning: Some explicit content!!! If you don't like, don't read! I promise very few of my posts will be this way.
Hi all,
Sorry for the long hiatus, I've had a lot of ideas spinning around in this head of mine. And it's taken me a long time to work up the guts to let this one out. I'm bracing myself for what may come. I promise a wide variety of posts in the very near future. But first.....
I would like to address several articles that have come about recently, some of which have intrigued, perplexed, disturbed, and outright enraged me.
Let me start by saying that I realize that I am “different ” from the people depicted in these articles, that I will somehow never be like them, and some may not believe that I have the right to speak on this issue. I do respect the concerns of other parties who may be involved here, both for themselves and for their children. I have no doubt that it is extremely stressful to worry about another person's well-being constantly, even as my own family does. But sometimes, it doesn't matter that I'm not like them, because in a way I am. That is not me, but all that matters is one difference and it could have been, or might be in the future. I am lucky to have been given the choices that I was.
First, there was this story that circulated around various press outlets a couple of months ago. While I respect people's concerns for this couple's safety, awareness of their environment, ability to consent, etc. why, then, were they considered aware enough of their surroundings to be given a marriage license? Not that I'm saying they shouldn't, as I believe all people are capable of loving each other, as is very obvious given the couple's comments here, but that is another story.
Note that the couple made no direct mention of making babies, they are simply asking to live together as husband and wife, something that most people in this country are able to do. However, this is still a fight for many groups, including many people with disabilities. The facility claims that they would not have the necessary facilities to “supervise ” the couple if they were allowed to live together, because, you know, the first thing that they would do is rip off each other's clothes and have a million kids that they can't take care of. Because two HUMAN BEINGS passing on their genes is unacceptable. Not to mention awful, horrible, and grotesque to watch. Never mind that they have not a clue what they're doing. (For those that don't know me, please note the sarcasm font)
I'm sorry, I always like to think that people understand much more than they're given credit for, no matter how they communicate.
Now, I do realize that not everyone may be “able” to have a sexual relationship in the “traditional” sense, whatever that means, or they may not want to, and that is just fine, because that is their choice. But telling someone that they can't live together based on the choices that other individuals assume that they're going to make is not a choice. It is infringing on their rights as a HUMAN BEING first. I am saying something because a lot of these people don't often have the choice, or are so often made to feel as if they don't.
But, you have the mental capacity to make decisions for yourself! So what does this have to do with you?
Well, a lot. If I had a dime for every time someone has asked me about my ability to reproduce, I'd be a gazillionaire. First of all, It's none of their business. Second of all, if I did said activities, some people think I need to be supervised while doing them. In my case, the answer would likely be a firm NO! Third of all, this uncomfortableness with the idea has prompted some facilities to regulate the activity of other residents that live in places like these, even when their mental capacity is not called into question. So, for example, depending on the location itself, if I ever had to consider staying in a group home situation, based on availability of accessible housing, I could be told what I could do and with whom in my own house, when there is no question that I have the right to do so, simply because I may live with other people for whom this is called into question. Or maybe simply because it makes the staff uncomfortable. Now that is just all around insulting, not just for me, but for everyone involved. I realize that I'm very lucky to not be in this situation, but I think about it an awful lot. That could be me......
Then, there was this one, which made the rounds more recently than the last. I, for one, have no problem with what is being described, as the people here obviously have very clear ideas of what they want, and are only seeking physical help in initiating the action. Now granted, I can see potential for foul play, and perhaps have more thinking to do about where the line of control lines, but I fully support the idea that these individuals can have a relationship in whatever way possible that they desire and that the theme of universal acceptance is being promoted. Societal norms often tell us that severely physically disabled people can't or shouldn't have a normal sex life, because they need to be “taken care of.” This type of ideology seeks to change that.
Lastly, this. Ah, yes, the sterilization of women with disabilities because they don't know what's going on at that time of the month. Now, I do not intend for this to be a generalization, but from my own experience, the majority of people that I have interacted with that have intellectual or cognitive disabilities may get extremely upset when something changes in their routine, which their everyday lives sometimes depend on quite heavily. Now, again, I like to give people more credit than your average person when it comes to the ability to understand concepts, because I've seen it happen in many other cases. If there was blood coming out of me and I wasn't told why, I would probably throw a tantrum too! As someone mentioned in the original posting of this that I read, there was no mention in the article made of any type of intervention by a doctor or occupational therapist to help the young lady adjust to what was going on, and the parents stated that sterilization was the “only option ” for the daughter. I was informed of what was going on at a very early age and received input from a variety of professionals. I know full well that it can be cumbersome and bothersome to others to deal with if you need assistance, but I was fortunate enough to have the choice of something less permanent than I can choose to stop when (yes, when) I want children. Again, I realize that I am not “those people", so why am I even talking, because there are parents that have to deal with this day in and day out. Why, if their child will never have children? My answer, how do you know? New things are happening every day. My biggest concern is that this is often done without any effort to inform the individual? Because, why bother, we're not "those people," they'll never understand. Actually, I do understand. But, see, what I don't understand is how referring to us as different, as “other” somehow makes these things excusable, I just don't.
I have been told by multiple individuals, strangers even, that people like me should not have children. Even from the well-meaning ones who completely support me, I receive an endless barrage of questions about how I will care for my child. And not without good reason, but still, not knowing that terrifies me to no end. If that wasn't frightening enough, let's add in the many cases that I hear about in which children are taken away from their disabled parent(s) or the parent(s) are deemed unfit to care for children. If that isn't good enough birth-control for some of us, I don't know what is. So, in the end, just because I can doesn't mean I would be stupid about it. (my family can breathe now!) It will involve a lot of thought and careful planning, as well as probably a lot of time to get over my own self-consciousness and societal expectations of me. So nobody has anything to worry about any time soon!
Wow, I can't believe I just posted that incredibly long and personal insight. As always, I welcome any (respectful and civil) comments below!
"Après moi, la déluge."
(After me, the flood.)
-Regina Spektor
No comments:
Post a Comment